messy tots

i have alot of things in my mind. but i'm dunno what to say and i dunno if i should say. but this is my blog. i should be able to say what i want to say and what i want others to know.

it had been 3 days since i saw my greatest fear. its was really my greatest fear. and i actually saw it with my own eyes. i really cant believe i can be that suay. hahhah. people still told me that it wun be so heng one. but i'm just so "heng" why cant i be so heng when it comes to buying 4D? till now i still cant shake off that image on my mind. it still comes flashing back every now and then.

now i've learnt something. there is no right or wrong in a relationship. but to me that is just so not right. that is to me personally. i am a person who is very mean with words and thats just me. when i'm angry i just need to vent it out. i cant bottle it all up in me thus when i'm angry any mean words can just come out of my mouth.

guess i shall not go into the details of what happened. just my own opinion. if its me, i cant do it. thus i'm shock that other people can. to me if i were to do it i will feel so morally not right. but maybe to a guy its just not the case.

i was very clear of what i want when the relationship ended. a patch is a clear no no for me. thus that was my reply when i received the call. and i was happy about it. but what happen shortly after the call was a huge shock to me. how can someone's feeling change so drastically within such a short period of time. to me, it suddenly dawn upon me that everything was just a lie, at least for the content of that call. maybe without that call i would be able to sallow my greatest fear better. as i had sort of anticipated it. but with that call, it just drop down on me hard, fast and painfully. this kinda feeling is new to me, its worse then tabao-ing. maybe, maybe without that call things would have turn out for the better.

what ever the case. it was history. he has started with his new life and me, i shall just continue with my life which i'm already so used to it for the past 22+ yrs. 11 mths of distruption shouldn't be too diff to adjust back.

i dunno if anyone's life is a y=mx+c. at least i know mine is a y = sinx + cosx, and now its at the minimum point. i believe it will climb back slowly. i cant forever be down what. now i'm hoping for the next few weeks, hope i receive a long anticipated call. hahhah and maybe my life will just change from there. hahah who knows. life is just so unpredictable. =P

FULLSTOP - case closed.

腐女子 @ 6:07 PM